I just made out with a guy for $7.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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