Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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