what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
