Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
