I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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