Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
