would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My vagina is officially offended.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.