So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.