About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately