Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now