It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.