Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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