okay pat passed out under dana's car
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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