If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
