Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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