it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
