This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
