Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
