just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
