break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just invented taco cereal.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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