apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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