i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
