Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
