In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also, beer. Big fan.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
