My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
