i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
