I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
