also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
