I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
