You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You can't just leave with hair like that
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
