Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
