dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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