My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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