If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
