community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
