My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
