just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
