my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
