You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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