im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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