Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
