You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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