babies were throwing up all over the place
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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