Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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