I think my vagina is haunted
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Its about making memories worth repressing
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
