Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
