how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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