Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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