Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
whose ass print is on the piano?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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