I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
