According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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