at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
