I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
