I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
