I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
