Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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