He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
