i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
