apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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