First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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