How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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