1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
