Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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