Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
