I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
