I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
