Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
