apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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