I wish I could punch you in the face.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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