Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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